Why do I keep torturing myself? It only brings more pain. I can't stop thinking about him... He unfriended me on Facebook a bit back, so I added him again. He's dating this freshmen now, but all he wants is sex and he won't get it from her. My dreams are filled with him and it's agonizing. He always comes back to me in my dreams...
Last night I dreamt I went to his place to talk or give him some stuff back, I can't remember. Then he pulled me to him for a hug, but he started kissing me on my neck and work lower to my chest. His sister came out right as I pushed him away. She went somewhere in the house and we turned to each other. I asked him about his freshmen chick and he told me it wasn't gonna work out. They were too different. There were no jokes or anything to do. Then he pulled me onto his bed and got on top of me. I didn't know if his look was desperate for me or my body.
Sometimes I wish he would read this blog, others I don't. I'm so weak and fragile... My friend tells me I'm still a baby dragon that has yet to find my fire. What if I don't have a fire?
My head still tortures me with a sense of false hope. Longing for someone I will never get back. Oh let me leave that giant gash in my torso! Let me bleed the black darkness that plagues my body out. Let me die in his arms, making him see the damage he has done. He killed me. He killed my soul and my heart. Let him kill my body as well. Let me be in his arms one last time...
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