Temporary Bliss (pt2)

So, today we went to Six Flags and spent about an hour and a half in the water park. Well, the park didn't open till 10:30 and there were a group of four guys next to us. After we left the water park portion to go around the amusement park side, I left on my own to go on some rides since my sister didn't want to. I went on this one ride and got behind the same group of four guys. They asked me to ride with one of them and I did and started small talk with them. After the ride was over, we went our separate ways. I went to go on one roller coaster and when I was exiting, they saw me and called me out. I waited for them and told them I might as well join them. They were a lot of fun to hang out with. Acted like friends at home. The blonde kid name Isaac was pretty cute, but he was taken. Then the twins Matthew and Michael were nice, but Michael had problems going on some roller coasters. Then there's Brendan. The biggest flirt in the whole group. Really nice and flirtatious. We held hands for the most part and then towards the end, he started holding me and putting his arm around my waist. He would hold me from behind. We went on one ride where you get on a small boat that can fit four and you ride around in a dark tunnel and shoot at lights and stuff. It's based on Scooby-Doo. Waiting in the line, he would hold my hand, put his arm around my waist, in the building he would hold me from behind. He would look down my shirt while holding me from behind, but it didn't bother me much. What bothered me was the possibility of what could happen while we were on the ride. I didn't want anything going past second base (I did offer him a boob grab earlier in another line for a ride). We went on it (the second time. This time without Isaac, Matt, and Mike). We sorta cuddled and it was really nice. He then asked me where his kiss was and we did. He was pretty good at it. I got his number now and his snapchat and I'm still talking to him.

I dunno how I feel right now. I guess I'm just hoping this just doesn't turn into a booty call in the future. Being held like that made me feel better from my lonely mood I've been having. I was smiling and blushing and having a great time with them. I'm kinda sad it didn't go on for longer.

Temporary Bliss

(Oh look! Song title. It's by The Cab. I love them. Second favourite after Panic! At The Disco
and before Fall Out Boy)

Any who...

Do you ever dream about bumping into that dream person? Dreaming about how perfect they would be with you and all the things that would go right and how you'd try not make the same mistakes as in your past. How you'll overcome obstacles in each other's lives and how you just feel like life couldn't get any better? I've been doing a lot of that recently. Maybe it's part of that "feeling lonely" stuff. I don't know. All I do know is they feel as I titled this. But that's all it is and I know nothing like what I dream about will ever happen to me...

Speaking of dreaming, he's showed up in my dreams again (and when I talk about this dreaming, it's sleep dreams. The others are day dreaming). We were actually getting along and laughing and having fun. Then the usual finally happened and the fun and games ended and turned into personal gain and control. Then I woke up. It makes me frustrated that, this long after we broke up and this late in the summer and how close we are to school, he still manages to show up in my mind. And it's the nights preceding the days where he never even crossed my mind. I don't know. Oh well.

My vacation is almost over and school is about to start so new stresses will arise and make me suffer even more.

Confessions

Last night I actually didn't go to bed right away when my mum asked me to. I got my phone to charge next to the bed so I turned the flashlight on and doodled in my notebook. Then on the very last page on the back side I wrote at the top Confessions and wrote a total of six last night. Each one was about a different person or a different thought. I might type them up later when I can type them up without anyone seeing. But other than that, not much has been going on because I haven't been home for over a week.

Return of Fuckface

So I flew out to St. Louis to visit my family yesterday and I got in at about 10:30. The day hadn't even finished yet and I was laying on the couch on my computer when I notice I got a friend request. It was from someone called "Thisis Anapology". My heart dropped because I feared it was him. I accepted and I was just gonna ignore it, but I went to go message them asking who it was just in case when I see this long message he had sent to me. It was an apology from him also with the request to be friends again. He claimed he only wanted me to be ok, to be strong and that involved him getting out of the picture. I will post the screen shots.

And now I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't even know what to think. Multiple people have told me that the best decision is to just keep him out of my life completely but I'm still not sure what I want. Making this decision would be easy, just do what my friends say, but when I loved someone for four years and then kicked them out of my life because I realized all the awful things he's done to me, it's the hardest decision I have to make.

Lovely Dreams

So the dreams are getting more creative.

Last night, the first thing that happened in my dream was that both he and Slade were trying to call me and I decided to see what he wanted to say. He started calling me sweetie and his darling and I hung up. Then there was this whole card shop scene and it was with a friend and not important. Then there was this whole school scene with him that I can't remember. Then we finally got together and I cussed him out about the earlier phone call. He ended up holding me and he was playing this game and he was matching up these creatures together like breeding pairs and he told me to wait and he called his girlfriend over and through that game he broke up with her and then told her he wanted to be with me.

All my dreams end up with us back together and it's gotten annoying. I had one earlier (like last week or something) but I ignored it. I always day dream about this wonderful person who wants to date me and everything is right and we care about each other and it's basically everything that didn't happen with mine and Grayson's relationship. I don't know.... I should take a shower and get back to the guitar that I was meant to learn over the summer.