Cory is practically perfect. Gah.
I was having issues when I woke up this morning and I forgot my medicine at home and my mum had already left for St. Louis on Saturday and he drove down to my dad's to get me and take me to go get more.
He didn't have to do that (although it was getting pretty bad and I'm sure I'd still be in the bathroom when my dad got home).
He takes such good care of me, I don't really deserve it. But I love him so much and I'm glad we're together.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Camisado
My friends are falling apart as well and it's tearing me apart.
I want to help them, but....
I don't know what to do.
I wish I could hug you guys and never let go.
I wish I could snap my fingers and maybe the problems can be more bearable.
Ugh....
I want to help them, but....
I don't know what to do.
I wish I could hug you guys and never let go.
I wish I could snap my fingers and maybe the problems can be more bearable.
Ugh....
The Kids Aren't Alright
You know how when you are face with a situation that affects your entire life and you can't seem to let go and after spending a lot of time of healing and making yourself better and you finally let go? I was almost there.
I was finally ready to let go and stop letting him affect me as much as he did. I was ready to move on and be happy with my friends and Cory. I spent all of Monday not seeing him. I didn't see him in the morning before school, during passing periods or open mods. It was bliss. I had forgotten him for just that day.
Then that night he appeared in my dream. A dream similar to the ones I thought I was done having.
Right when I'm completely through and he's finally gone from my life, somehow, he still weaseled his way back in. No thought of him all day and there he was, waiting for me in my dreams.
All the hard work I did in trying to fight back in my dreams, rejecting him, changing the fate of dreamself. Out the window.
I want to move. If not for my sake, then for Cory's. I hate making him worry and having him be upset about me. He doesn't deserve that. He's been so wonderful to be, despite the anxiety and the fears and worries. The random outbursts and the anger when he does things that I shouldn't be mad about.
And all my friends. I've made so much progress. I don't want to deteriorate now. Especially since I'm coming up to a year after I escaped and the event.
Nyx, please help guide me through this. I dont' want to lose now... Please...
I was finally ready to let go and stop letting him affect me as much as he did. I was ready to move on and be happy with my friends and Cory. I spent all of Monday not seeing him. I didn't see him in the morning before school, during passing periods or open mods. It was bliss. I had forgotten him for just that day.
Then that night he appeared in my dream. A dream similar to the ones I thought I was done having.
Right when I'm completely through and he's finally gone from my life, somehow, he still weaseled his way back in. No thought of him all day and there he was, waiting for me in my dreams.
All the hard work I did in trying to fight back in my dreams, rejecting him, changing the fate of dreamself. Out the window.
I want to move. If not for my sake, then for Cory's. I hate making him worry and having him be upset about me. He doesn't deserve that. He's been so wonderful to be, despite the anxiety and the fears and worries. The random outbursts and the anger when he does things that I shouldn't be mad about.
And all my friends. I've made so much progress. I don't want to deteriorate now. Especially since I'm coming up to a year after I escaped and the event.
Nyx, please help guide me through this. I dont' want to lose now... Please...
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Body Shaming
Ok, so I'm scrolling through Tumblr and I come across this post
And lemme tell you, both those phrases are offensive.
I have bigger friends and they are beautiful and wonderful human beings. They eat very healthy and enjoy a nice snack like they should. They are at healthy weights and that's all that matters.
I on the other hand, am 96lbs at 5'1". Red Cross wants me to be 135lbs to donate blood at my age in my state. That's pushing unhealthily overweight for me. I have been trying to gain weight for the past year, once breaking 100lbs. I understand I'm skinny, no I don't like it, no your comments don't help, fuck off. Like "get some meat on your bones"? Double standards don't help people. You want bigger girls to be as skinny as the photoshopped models in magazines whose waistlines don't exist and you want skinny girls that have 23-24-25in waistlines to be bigger and I don't understand that. Why can't we be we and you be you and you care about your own gawddamn weight and eating habits and I'll worry about mine.
If you are this person that says this stuff, you have no right to talk or meet me.
The ONLY time I care about someone's eating habits is when they DON'T EAT ANYTHING AT ALL DURING THE DAY FOR MULTIPLE DAYS. That is the ONLY unhealthy eating habit I care about because your body does NOT function WITHOUT FOOD. So if you don't eat because people are assholes and you're trying to please their standards, please think for a second and ask yourself why you're doing that. If you're a bigger person and you want to lose weight FOR YOU, then there are healthier means of going about that. First step is less CALORIES. Not less food. Watch calorie intake but also be mindful of your vitamin and mineral intake because getting those are important too. Eating less calories is a good start for those who aren't as active as some. There are a multitude of products that are lower calories and there are endless cookbooks and recipes for you to try.
The main thing I want to get across is don't judge others' weights and please eat REGARDLESS of your size. We need you in this world to make it brighter. ^_^
I have bigger friends and they are beautiful and wonderful human beings. They eat very healthy and enjoy a nice snack like they should. They are at healthy weights and that's all that matters.
I on the other hand, am 96lbs at 5'1". Red Cross wants me to be 135lbs to donate blood at my age in my state. That's pushing unhealthily overweight for me. I have been trying to gain weight for the past year, once breaking 100lbs. I understand I'm skinny, no I don't like it, no your comments don't help, fuck off. Like "get some meat on your bones"? Double standards don't help people. You want bigger girls to be as skinny as the photoshopped models in magazines whose waistlines don't exist and you want skinny girls that have 23-24-25in waistlines to be bigger and I don't understand that. Why can't we be we and you be you and you care about your own gawddamn weight and eating habits and I'll worry about mine.
If you are this person that says this stuff, you have no right to talk or meet me.
The ONLY time I care about someone's eating habits is when they DON'T EAT ANYTHING AT ALL DURING THE DAY FOR MULTIPLE DAYS. That is the ONLY unhealthy eating habit I care about because your body does NOT function WITHOUT FOOD. So if you don't eat because people are assholes and you're trying to please their standards, please think for a second and ask yourself why you're doing that. If you're a bigger person and you want to lose weight FOR YOU, then there are healthier means of going about that. First step is less CALORIES. Not less food. Watch calorie intake but also be mindful of your vitamin and mineral intake because getting those are important too. Eating less calories is a good start for those who aren't as active as some. There are a multitude of products that are lower calories and there are endless cookbooks and recipes for you to try.
The main thing I want to get across is don't judge others' weights and please eat REGARDLESS of your size. We need you in this world to make it brighter. ^_^
The Only Exception (Better Fit This Time)
Happy post (and first one in forever)
(Stay the Night doesn't count because that was meant for beginning on November)
Honestly, I don't know how I'd be without my friends and Cory in my life. I love them all to bits and pieces.
Kristin has been one of my closest "female" friends I've ever had. Now they're one of my closest gender queer friends and they are such a beautiful person so full of potential and life. I send my biggest positive vibes to them because they have so much to give.
Ren has been the best bitch in my life and has helped me so much after the whole ordeal. They've taught me so much and introduced me to so many new people.
Joey is my best friend in the whole world and helps me keep sane, even with our "yeps" and "oks". We talk about anything and everything despite our gender differences. GAH I can't think of stuff to say how much I appreciate having him as a friend.
Hap, Sam, Jesse, and so many others are such great inspirations in my life and I love you all! <3
And Cory is such a great boyfriend. Gah... He treats me so nicely and like I am a dragon and rehuiafjcds
I just can't think of words to say how much I love him.
I know there's the inevitability of breaking up at the end of the school year, but I want to enjoy it now, while we're together.
Gosh, he's so good to me. I don't deserve him sometimes.
(Stay the Night doesn't count because that was meant for beginning on November)
Honestly, I don't know how I'd be without my friends and Cory in my life. I love them all to bits and pieces.
Kristin has been one of my closest "female" friends I've ever had. Now they're one of my closest gender queer friends and they are such a beautiful person so full of potential and life. I send my biggest positive vibes to them because they have so much to give.
Ren has been the best bitch in my life and has helped me so much after the whole ordeal. They've taught me so much and introduced me to so many new people.
Joey is my best friend in the whole world and helps me keep sane, even with our "yeps" and "oks". We talk about anything and everything despite our gender differences. GAH I can't think of stuff to say how much I appreciate having him as a friend.
Hap, Sam, Jesse, and so many others are such great inspirations in my life and I love you all! <3
And Cory is such a great boyfriend. Gah... He treats me so nicely and like I am a dragon and rehuiafjcds
I just can't think of words to say how much I love him.
I know there's the inevitability of breaking up at the end of the school year, but I want to enjoy it now, while we're together.
Gosh, he's so good to me. I don't deserve him sometimes.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Stay the Night
It's been kind of a crazy week..?
Nebkon was a blast! I got to meet Dan and hang out with Ren and a few others. I got to see old friends like Joel and Ephrim.
Friday evening was crazy because we were waiting for Marc and Ren's dad before we had to go to Nebkon. We spent most of our time in the dealer's room after Ren got their badge.
Saturday was even crazier. We got to Nebkon and I had my stuff with Marc and the first thing they did was go in the dealer's room, by themselves. Well, they freaked out because they were alone and so they went to Burger King to find a friend and so Ren and Dan had to go on a wild goose chase to get my stuff back from them. We eventually did. While Marc was with their friend, Ren, Dan, and I went in the dealer's room again and I found my friends Trent, Trace, and Hannah. I hung out with Trent and Ren and Dan walked around. I had lost Ren and Dan and so me and Trent went looking around when we found them in a small circle of chairs with Dan holding Ren and rubbing their back. Ren's ex was at Nebkon and they had seen him and started to panic. We all (including Trent) guided Ren safely out of the dealer's room and into the registration lobby. We were standing there when Mickey and others were walking by and he saw Trent. He ran towards him and Trent picked him up. Then they went off to go home or drop a friend off, I can't remember.
Long story short (I got tired of typing), Trent picked me up like Mikey, I yelled at him because my skirt flew up. Then Cory met us in Trent's hotel room, we playe CAH, I went to pick up a card on the floor, my skirt flew up again, we all laughed except Cory, he got butthurt, then we went down to the rave, Ren and Dan went home early, Marc and Cory put our stuff in his truck, I was dancing, I made out with two girls, I left, and me and Cory banged. Then things were all hunky-dory since then.
Sorry this post took so long. I got distracted and school happened. So yea.
Nebkon was a blast! I got to meet Dan and hang out with Ren and a few others. I got to see old friends like Joel and Ephrim.
Friday evening was crazy because we were waiting for Marc and Ren's dad before we had to go to Nebkon. We spent most of our time in the dealer's room after Ren got their badge.
Saturday was even crazier. We got to Nebkon and I had my stuff with Marc and the first thing they did was go in the dealer's room, by themselves. Well, they freaked out because they were alone and so they went to Burger King to find a friend and so Ren and Dan had to go on a wild goose chase to get my stuff back from them. We eventually did. While Marc was with their friend, Ren, Dan, and I went in the dealer's room again and I found my friends Trent, Trace, and Hannah. I hung out with Trent and Ren and Dan walked around. I had lost Ren and Dan and so me and Trent went looking around when we found them in a small circle of chairs with Dan holding Ren and rubbing their back. Ren's ex was at Nebkon and they had seen him and started to panic. We all (including Trent) guided Ren safely out of the dealer's room and into the registration lobby. We were standing there when Mickey and others were walking by and he saw Trent. He ran towards him and Trent picked him up. Then they went off to go home or drop a friend off, I can't remember.
Long story short (I got tired of typing), Trent picked me up like Mikey, I yelled at him because my skirt flew up. Then Cory met us in Trent's hotel room, we playe CAH, I went to pick up a card on the floor, my skirt flew up again, we all laughed except Cory, he got butthurt, then we went down to the rave, Ren and Dan went home early, Marc and Cory put our stuff in his truck, I was dancing, I made out with two girls, I left, and me and Cory banged. Then things were all hunky-dory since then.
Sorry this post took so long. I got distracted and school happened. So yea.
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