*Gavin Noises*

Hey guys, long time (not really?). So yea, senior. That's cool.

Summer has started out pretty awesome, I guess.

Work has been going well. There was one customer who had a tattoo on her chest and she was wearing a low cut shirt and the tat was awesome looking and I thought it was cool. Then after she left, the customer behind her told us not to get tats like that because we shouldn't ruin our bodies like that and I was kind of upset because it wasn't his place to tell us that and it was kind of rude and disrespectful to her life choices. Then I was helping one customer out with his groceries and he saw my arms (It's hot and I had my sleeves rolled up a bit) and asked me if I hurt myself and by instinct I told that I have cats and he replied by how he hates cats and I pondered (still am) about how quickly and natural that response came out like they actually were cat scratches....

Facebook stuff, I started a BFT (Best Friend Tuesday) where every Tuesday I post pictures of one of my best friends and describe how much they mean to me. Uh... I unblocked Grayson, finally making steps to heal and recover and move on and forgive MYSELF for all the awful things that I'VE done to MYSELF because of SOMEONE ELSE'S ACTIONS. I unblocked him a few days ago and today I think he realized it and blocked me instead. Asshole. I guess he's not moving on anytime soon.

I will get over this anxiety. I will get over this depression. I will get over these irrational thoughts and ignore the voice that puts me down. I want this and it will happen. I will make new friends. I will have fun and enjoy myself over this summer. I will enter school and a self confident senior that will take no jack-assery. I will make MY own choices and I will be PROUD. I will CHANGE MYSELF for the BETTER and be STRONGER than I was BEFORE. I will be there for my friends and PROTECT them from the harm because I realize how scary it is to have to face things ALONE. My scars are my BATTLE WOUNDS and they tell STORIES. Stories of how I went to HELL AND BACK THREE TIMES and how I SURVIVED. I will EDUCATE people on how they deserve BETTER than the assholery they have now.

Do NOT date someone because you are ALONE. Be with someone who makes you feel LOVED. LOVE them with HALF your heart because you DESTROY yourself if you give them ALL. You are YOUR OWN PERSON and DON'T EVER let someone TAKE IT AWAY. YOU are IN CHARGE of YOUR LIFE. YOU OPERATE the car, so DON'T pick up any BACKSEAT DRIVERS.

Your FRIENDS are your NUMBER ONES and should come BEFORE a NEW RELATIONSHIP. Make sure you LISTEN to the RED FLAGS that they put up because chances are they see ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE that you CAN'T SEE.

If they can't handle you at your WORSE, they don't deserve you. But the same goes VICE VERSA. Relationships COMPLEMENT like red and green and one should never OVERBEAR the other. Relationships are NOT about CONTROL. There should NEVER be "BUT YOU DID THIS HORRIBLE THING A YEAR AGO". You should NEVER be the VICTIM, but DON'T be the BULLY either. You both are EQUALS and are DIFFERENT. You both are HUMAN BEINGS.

Don't be mad forever, because it eats away at your soul. Be YOU. Because YOU is BEAUTIFUL. Treat others with RESPECT because you DON'T CONTROL them. Treat YOURSELF with RESPECT because you DESERVE it.