So the self harm isn't getting any better. There are a few on my chest, there's still the scars on my arms, and theres one on the inside of my thigh on my left leg, probably more to be added soon.
Last night I was in the shower and the thought of the pills came up again in my head. They were just right there. And I know how much is in the bottle because I'm the only one that uses the ibuprofen.
Then there's the thoughts about Slade. I know he'll never hurt me on purpose and that he cares too much about me...
What if we get to that point in our relationship and he's too rough?
What if he won't listen when I tell him no?
What if he leaves marks on me and hits me?
All the bruises along with the scars....
Hap wants to go swimming this summer. It might be a while before I can wear my swim suit with confidence.
And now Slade is being bothersome because I'm in my "brooding" mood and I just don't want to tell him everything.
Well all know what happened last time I put all my trust in someone.
He says he'll always be there. I can't trust that...
I just can't...
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